Our spin instructor said that today, as he was saying the jumps were optional. That’s what everything feels like for me lately. Everything is a choice. It’s all up to me whether I show up, pay attention to nutrition, fitness, etc. I spent weeks not tracking my nutrition in Weight Watchers. Following Weight Watchers is how I lost over 70 lbs. I was and am at the cusp of hitting 75, well on my way to my goal of losing 124 lbs. Somehow, without tracking, I managed to not gain any weight for the month of August. Even with camping every weekend, and parties, eating out, etc. I went up and down, but netted a small loss. It was great, but then getting back to my normal routine has been rough.
I wanted to sign up for a program at my gym, so that I could focus on my weight training and make a commitment to take my fitness to the next level. The past couple of years have required a good fight from me to get my physical fitness into existence. It started with aggressively advocating for myself with my doctors. I knew I was having issues, but didn’t know what they were, or how to best manage them. Autoimmune disorders can hold you back from accomplishing anything. They had that effect on me for a while. Knowing what was going on allowed me understand what was causing the problem, so I could decipher what I was allowed to ignore (what I can and needed to push past) and what issues I needed to acknowledge.
Well, a new issue arose when I went to get the evaluation for a program at my gym. We went through my medical history and I was told I needed to meet with a trainer. There were no appointments I could make, so they said he would call me. He hasn’t and it’s been a week. Not something I can ignore. Definitely frustrating. I was mentioning it in the locker room this morning, and come to find out this trainer is not good. He is apparently a womanizer and has been known to push people to injury. Opposite of what I am looking for. I feel better about being ignored, because I am just going to call a different location and start over.
So now I have to acknowledge something else. I quit smoking. I know. Non-smokers are probably thinking “why aren’t you shouting that from the roof top???” Smokers will get it more. The hesitation. Every time I get in my car, I want to stop and buy a pack. Am I sure I quit? Am I really ready to commit to saying that out loud? What if I have one? What then? The disappointment, for everyone, that I failed. This personal challenge is independent from the goal to lose weight and get fit. It will be 3 days tonight. The end of the chemical addiction. I can feel that I am almost there, because I have wanted to chew my arm off for the last 2 1/2 days. That feeling seems to be wearing off. I know I have been fighting that feeling. Just not sure I have been winning.
I had a big gain last week, so I went back to full tracking of my nutrition with Weight Watchers. That doesn’t mean that I am on track. It just means I am tracking. To give some perspective, I have 32 points a day. I also have 49 weekly points that I can use throughout the week to off set my nutrition each day. I don’t need to use them, but I can. I can also earn activity points. On average, a spin class will earn me 6-8 AP. So far this week, I have used 27 of my WP and all 14 AP that I have earned. That is definitely a lot. I know it is the quitting smoking, but it is frustrating that I can’t be better about it all. I want to get that weight loss momentum going again.
The truth is, as much as I want to quit smoking, I don’t know why I chose now. I guess any time I can try, I will. Who knows how long it will stick. Some say once a smoker always a smoker. It’s impossible to convey why that is, to non-smokers.
So that’s my update for the moment. I am still trying to figure out how I want to structure the next “phase” of my exercise regiment. Classes are great, but I want to incorporate strength training. I have a good gym membership and like going there, as it provides focus for working out. Other than that, I don’t know. Until I get it figured out, I will keep going to classes, so that I can keep some level of fitness going.