Facebook Lost Me

I’m sorry to say, that I have to quit Facebook and Instagram. I can no longer cling to my ability to stay connected to my very small and scattered family, nor my wonderful friends, through these platforms.

But why? I mean, we know they are shady, and use our data against us, but we’ve always known that. Why now? What was the straw that broke the camel’s back, for me? This is why:

Facebook Fired An Employee Who Collected Evidence Of Right-Wing Pages Getting Preferential Treatment

I am ½ Jewish and ½ Catholic, by birth. As far as I know, my Jewish family came to the US before the Holocaust, and I did not lose part of my family tree in that genocide. As a white person, I cannot allow my privilege to dismiss what white supremacy has done and continues to do, to oppress Black and Brown people around the world. It may seem like this is not tangential, but this is how white supremacy seeps in, and we are all made to believe it’s not that big of a deal. It is.

If you are close family or friends, I will have messaged you to make sure you can contact me by phone and/or email. For everyone, I hope you’ll connect with me here:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/misscrf
Medium: https://medium.com/@misscrf
My Blog: https://imagerotated.com/

I know I’m just one speck in Facebook and IG’s likely zettabytes of data specks, but I have to cut that off now. I have to cut off their ability to profit from my participation of their platform. Every click I make, every quiz I take, every post, every like, every comment, gives them data. They sell it to every bidder. Not just the highest bidder, but all of them. They are double-dealing, as they court the GOP who are intrinsically aligned with white supremacy. Comment on this post, if you would like me to detail that alignment, in another post. It is extensive.

Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook/IG will do anything they can, to ensure the US government doesn’t attempt to regulate them. They are using their massive power, to make sure we stay powerless. To make sure we don’t own our data. To make sure they own us.

I know Twitter has many of the same risks, as does YouTube, and Amazon, and so much of the internet. For now, I will do this as best I can. One step at a time. This is a big one, and one that doesn’t come lightly. It’s not just seeing what everyone is up to, and posting a portrait pic of that amazing culinary creation we just made. It’s a mechanism for being able to connect with the people we care about, readily.

It’s insidious, in that way. It latches on to that emotional connection, so it can be digitally leveraged against us.

I look forward to the day that we can own our data, and share it safely, with who we choose, without it being leveraged to help white supremacy. I hope I can come back, I really do.

I know, it’s totally uncool to announce your exit from the party. I’ve never been cool. This is a big change, and one that I don’t take lightly. These platforms take our big round world and make it digitally flat. My family is few and scattered across this country, and Facebook has been a lifeline. I will miss this mechanism for connecting with them, greatly.

For now, I would like to call on generation X, to help lead this charge for change. That is my generation. We are the generation who grew up riding in the back of the station wagon or pickup, with no seat belt. We took a beating and kept on going. We didn’t have the internet. We had cans with strings, and long walks or bike rides to see if our friends were home. We are also the generation that most people counted out. We were lost in the brutal shuffle of life, between boomers and millennials. This is what we were made for, and no one knew it, least of all us.

We can lead this charge, to disconnect from something that is making us sick. Those who have grown up with this technology may be unable to see this for what it is, but my hope is that older generations can. Generation X was the last generation, who grew up without social media and technology. We know that it’s not necessary. It’s a luxury. We can hold out for better. Being able to hold out, will make us stronger. We don’t need billions of dollars to do that. We just need to be able to take a beating and keep on going. We can make a hard choice, and all of us will be better off in the long run.

What can we do in the absence of using those platforms, in an active effort to regain control? We can vote. We can be informed about the candidates on the ballot this fall. We can vet information we read, and make sure to read the whole article. We can make sure our friends and family do the same. We can vote, and honor John Lewis, by demanding Mitch McConnell and the Senate pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Act (https://www.congress.gov/bill/116th-congress/house-bill/4/text).

The House passed it last year. Mitch McConnell has called the Democrats’ attempts to expand access to voting, a power grab. Ensuring the will of the people is protected, is a power grab, as far as the GOP is concerned. They doesn’t want the will of the people to be heard. The GOP knows that if everyone in the country has access to vote, the GOP will lose. The Majority Leader of the US Senate is holding our voting rights, and election security hostage.

I know COVID sucks and a lot of things suck, but the reality is that we are the ones with the power. We have to fix this. We are the only ones who can. Voters. In 2016, 120 million Americans voted, but 90 million registered voters did not vote. We are 200 million strong, and growing, but we have to show up and be informed.

We have to call our reps and pressure them to make the changes we need. We have to vote out the ones who gaslight facts, voting rights, regulating the tech industry, science, and so much more. We have to show up and vote, even if our first choice isn’t on the ballot. We have to look at the 2 candidates at the top of every race and compare them not just to our wish list, but against each other. Who will do the least harm and the most good? We have to vote responsibly.

Then we must show up next year, and the year after, to make it better and better. That’s how a healthy democracy works.

This year, we must be prepared for USPS delays. Trump installed a Postmaster General (Dejoy), who is actively dismantling the USPS, and causing delays. They know that absentee and mail-in ballots must be postmarked and received by specific dates, in order to be valid. Election day is not November 3rd. It is well before that day.

We must verify our registration is active now, before any deadline passes. Most deadlines are 30 days before election, but it can take time to get a registration in, if your state doesn’t allow online registration. We need to contact our county Board of Elections now and request an absentee or mail-in ballot application.

When we get our ballots, we have to fill it out immediately and get our ballots back to our Board of Elections filled in exactly as required. Mail-in ballots are often invalidated for missing a signature on an envelope, or something seemingly innocent and simple. We can’t be afraid to ask each other for help, to make sure our vote counts.

We also need to be prepared, to not get the results of the election on November 3rd. Start having that conversation now. Many states don’t open mail-in ballots until after election day. Whether that is a good policy or not, it is the policy now. Want it to change? Keep paying attention and communicating with your state government, but I suggest lobbying for those changes after this election. The state election laws are not going to change, before November.

We have to be willing to be patient, and demand that every vote be counted. Trump will absolutely call the election rigged, when we don’t have the results immediately after the election, particularly if it looks like he is already losing. He has a well-established pattern of denigrating our institutions of democracy. Don’t be a willing participant in his anti-democratic rhetoric.

I know that spending your time getting out the vote, and talking to voters about an election, does not sound as satisfying as talking to friends and family on Facebook, or posting pics and videos on IG. I get it. I’m asking something really hard. I don’t expect many will join me, but I figure I might as well make the pitch, for why this is so important, seeing as I’m making this big change.

As for my friends and family on Facebook and IG, we can see each other again, and IRL hopefully. I will miss seeing your beautiful children grow. I will miss sending you digital support when you need it. I will miss posting all my political awareness posts, hoping everyone reads them and takes them to heart. I will miss being part of conversations with people I haven’t seen in years.

Sci-fi nerds like me, love to dream of time travel. Facebook certainly didn’t accomplish that, but memories popping up in your timeline can feel like you can almost grasp it. Revisit your past. Feel those feelings. All the while, powerful people are watching our interactions, aggregating what we do, and tracking us on and off the platform. They are using those feelings to leverage our buying of goods and services. They’re using it to manipulate our votes too.

Because I get that this is a big decision to make, I have also grappled with the preparation that needs to take place. For me, this has included downloading all my data. I wanted a copy of my photos, videos, and my friends list. I went through my friend’s list, so I could identify people I wanted to reach out to and give my contact info, so we can connect outside of these platforms. If you have interest in the process I took to make this move, please comment on this post. If there is interest, I will make a follow-up post detailing how I did this. I took print screens of the steps I took, because I’m super cool like that.

Bottom line is that Mark Zuckerberg is allowing white supremacy to leverage our data and our lives, for their gain. They are giving preferential treatment to people and outlets who are gaslighting facts, and simultaneously trying like hell to suppress our vote. I can’t be a part of that anymore. I can no longer be a willing data point, that they use against me and everyone I connect with on these platforms.

I have to be part of an effort, that encourages Americans to fulfill the promise of our democracy. That we take up our civic duty to participate in our government. I will spend my time encouraging citizens to exercise their civic right, by voting in this election and every one after.

I suggest doing so as early as possible.

Celebrating Amid Dueling Pandemics

There are many celebrating today. It’s a day to celebrate, if for no other reason, than everyone is sick of being couped up. At least that’s what it seems like, from my bubble. It stands to reason that I’m not exactly inline with the zeitgeist. I’ve been 95% isolated and in quarantine, since March. Most people around me seem to like suggesting that I can still get out though, right? I don’t really feel like celebrating though.

Right now there is a new pandemic, and one that is older than the reason for celebrating this day we call Independence Day. Over 200 years older. I’m going to address the newer one, because the older, generational, and systemic pandemic is not only affected by this new virus among us, but we will still have this original plague, when the virus is eventually contained and we have a viable vaccine/treatment. We must mitigate this virus, because it only stands to make our work to eradicate racism, that much harder.

I see people sick of this virus, of the economy being shut down, and people needing paychecks. I also see people complaining about wearing masks, needing to go to hair appointments, going to pools, restaurants, planning trips, and taking selfies with people they do not live with. I see people screaming about the infringement of their rights, to ask them to wear a mask and socially distance themselves from other people.

While I stay in my isolation, with no human contact, it seems pretty clear from the news, from the scientists, and the experts, that we may be in this til next year, at least. If we are to really come to terms with that, then we must also come to terms with the fact that it is going to last that long, whether we isolate, socially distance ourselves from others, test, contact trace, and shut this virus down, or whether we allow it to run rampant across this country.

Even if things are not bad where you are, this is our reality right now.

It seems, right now, that many in this country are good with rolling the dice on their health, and dismiss that their actions are creating a higher risk for others. Those who seem to be of this mind, are not the ones who will hurt the most from their actions. I’m not talking about me. I’m fine. I have a full-time job, and I can stay isolated. It may suck, but I have 3 cats, and I can pay my bills. The people who will be crushed by this virus, over the next year, will be those who are lower income and those who are Black and Brown. It is not just that poverty is systemically and generationally racist, it’s also that health care in this country is systemically racist too. Black and Brown people will run into roadblocks, in getting care, that white people are less likely to face.

I look around the world, at the countries that have legitimately flattened the curve, and compare that to here in the United States. I feel we are on the precipice of losing the moral argument of our ideal of freedom. Will the future hold that our country started out with a noble idea, but was desolated by selfishness and hatred towards science and scientific experts? How can we be a great nation, if we are not built on one that values the highest pursuits of truth, knowledge, and the full potential of it’s citizens?

How can we do anything close to that, if we only care about ourselves, and not the welfare of others?

Freedom isn’t about selfishness, but about equality for all of us. That means, no one person’s freedom can be more important than that of another’s. To deny this, is to deny the basis for equality. So, while people dismiss that they are not at risk, I would ask people to consider how many degrees of separation they are from anyone who cannot afford to get sick. What will inevitably happen, as this continues to spread to low income communities?

I see fragile white comments about racism not being a problem, but here’s the thing. Not seeing racism doesn’t make it go away, just like not paying attention to the virus and taking it seriously, won’t make it go away.

There’s something else too. Most of the white people who claim there is no racism, are also quick to claim they are not racist. So, if that’s true, then don’t you owe it to your commitment to not be racist, to not perpetuate racism, to listen and lift up Black voices? To care about the welfare of those who are at a disadvantage? Is it not part of not being racist, to believe Black people, when they tell you that they need Black lives to matter, because in their experiences, it is not mattering equally to the lives of others?

That brings me to the older pandemic. Yes, the one of racism in this country. If you follow my blog, or are paying attention at all, you know I cannot cover all of the racism in this country in one blog post. For now, I want to talk about Breonna Taylor.

I have been wondering if I should write about her story and advocate for justice. I follow a lot of people who are doing that. People with actual audiences. People who can speak more eloquently on this injustice, than I can. The answer is that until there is justice, it is on every person to keep pushing.

In the midnight hour of March 13, Breonna Taylor was asleep in her bed and her boyfriend was with her. Intruders stormed in the door, and her boyfriend grabbed his legally owned gun, to protect him and his girlfriend. Police officers, who were supposed to be issuing a no-knock warrant, stormed into her apartment, and shot her 8 times, while she slept.

It took 3 months for the Louisville Police Department to release the incident report, and it’s almost blank, listing her injuries as “none”.

Louisville police release the Breonna Taylor incident report. It’s virtually blank

There is still no answer as to why her apartment was approved for this warrant, when neither Breonna Taylor, or her boyfriend Kenneth Walker, are drug dealers. Breonna Taylor was an EMT, and Kenneth Walker was about to start a job at the US Postal Service. They shouldn’t have to be saints, or angels, but let’s just at least agree that there has still been no justification provided by the authorities, for why her apartment was put on this approved warrant list.

Louisville detective who obtained no-knock warrant for Breonna Taylor’s apartment reassigned

What we know about Breonna Taylor’s boyfriend and why charges against him were dropped

I wrote a post, a couple of weeks ago. At the end, I encouraged everyone to make 3 calls, to demand justice for the murder of Breonna Taylor. Continuing the Work of an Ally.

The next day after posting that, I called Louisville Mayor Greg Fischer at 502-574-2003 to demand he fire officers who murdered Breonna Taylor. If you do this, you have to press 4 for the directory. Then type his name, last name then first name = 34724374734. That gives his ext. 5025744545. Press # to be transferred. Then it hangs up. I could not figure out a way to successfully leave a message.

I called the Kentucky Attorney General Daniel Cameron at 502-696-5300 opt 1- to demand he charge the officers who murdered Breonna Taylor. They updated their phone system, to make option 1 feedback on Breonna Taylor’s murder, but they haven’t charged the officers who murdered her.

I called the Interim Police Chief Robert Schroeder at 502-574-7111 to demand he complete his investigation and immediately turn it over to Breonna’s lawyers and the Attorney General. I chose opt 6 then 4 to get to the Chief’s office. The mailbox is full. The AG hasn’t finished the investigation, or cleaned out their mailbox.

Breonna Taylor was murdered on March 13. It’s been 4 months, and nothing even close to justice, has been done.

I want everyone to do this, particularly white people in this country who do not believe that there is racism, that our justice system is not racist, and that they themselves to not believe they are racist, and really don’t want to perpetuate racism. I want them to be frustrated for 7 minutes. It will give them a single drop of the ocean of frustration her family and her boyfriend are living through.

This last week, I did what Bernice King asked:

I would like white Americans to call this number too. It will patch you through to the mailbox of city council representatives, to leave them messages demanding justice for one of their constituents. I spent 17 minutes doing this. I want every white person who really means something real, when they say they aren’t racist, to be someone who supports justice for Black people in action. Some of the mailboxes are full, and they should all be full, until they do their job.

The investigation should be completed by now. The police officers need to be fired, arrested, charged, and justice pursued, but none of this has happened. There cannot be justice for all, if there is no justice for Breonna Taylor. No, it doesn’t stop with her, but you can start here. You can choose to care enough about this to take a 1/2 hour hour out of your day to demand justice for a fellow American.

Since many have watched Hamilton, this weekend, and people are celebrating our partial independence, we might take to heart the words spoken:

But we’ll never be truly free
Until those in bondage have the same rights as you and me
You and I. Do or die.”

Hamilton, My Shot

Slavery was fought for, by confederate states, and police departments formed, both in the north and the south, to keep Black people in line.

How the U.S. Got Its Police Force

Jim Crow laws, redlining, white flight, segregation, and the for-profit prison systems have kept Black Americans oppressed and with less justice. Less justice is no justice. It is not equal or free.

Please speak up to elected officials in Louisville, KY, the state of Kentucky, and your own representatives. We must demand justice for Breonna Taylor. After that, we have a long list of people who’s families and friends are also awaiting justice.

This is just some of those names:

George Floyd: Timeline of black deaths caused by police

If we really want to be able to have true pride in our freedom, we first have to make sure all of our fellow Americans are free and equal. We still have a lot of work to do, and it’s not someone else’s job. Every citizen has a responsibility to fight for the equality and freedom of all citizens. We can’t do that by just firing off fireworks and waving a flag. We can’t do that by ignoring a global pandemic, or by ignoring the murder of Breonna Taylor. If we are going to be a free nation, we all have to demand it. Not just ourselves, but for every citizen.

Continuing the Work of an Ally

I did a video last week and wrote a blog post with a bunch of resources. Some people went to a protest. We’re done, right? We showed up and said we cared. I mean, Black Americans can’t expect us to keep showing up, can they? We have lives, don’t we?

You know where this is going, if not, you’ve never met me and you do not understand sarcasm. Of course there is more work to do. 400 years of racism and oppression doesn’t just get solved in a day, or with one kind gesture, or a nice social media post. I know. It would be so great if that would get it done.

We’ve got real work to do, and as a white American, I know that starts with me. I finished The Fire Next Time, by James Baldwin, last week. It was incredible, but I would consider it advanced reading for white Americans who don’t think they perpetuate racism or come from a generationally racist construct.

Now I am reading White Fragility, by Robin DiAngelo. My mom is also reading this. In about 3 weeks we plan to have a discussion about it, and I welcome anyone else who wants to join. Please contact me here in the comments, or on social media, so we can plan a date and time that works for everyone. My facebook is friends and family (people I know IRL) but twitter is open, and my handle is @misscrf.

The reason I am inviting people to join us, is because the initial thing I have found (so far) in White Fragility, is that white people avoid discussing racism, and that needs to stop. I can admit that I have often been apprehensive about discussing race, especially in front of a Black person. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing or offend anyone. I certainly didn’t want to be seen as racist, when that’s the last thing I want to be.

But that’s not good enough. Admitting that is the first step. Admitting I felt that way, is part of how I dig myself out of this, and I welcome other white people to do the same. We have to confront our own avoidance of talking about race. If you don’t know by now, Black Americans can’t avoid race being a part of their lives, and this won’t get better until white Americans stop avoiding discussions about race. The ability for white Americans to avoid discussing race, is in fact part of our white privilege. Our unwillingness to discuss race, is part of our white fragility.

Seriously, I’m only in the first chapter and I love this book.

I can absolutely recognize that I have been conditioned through my life to not view myself on the terms of my race, but to view Black people on the terms of their race. That, in itself, is conditioned racism. I think when white people hear the word racism, they think that means I just hurled expletives at a Black person. Racism is way more nuanced, and it involves marginalizing people, erasing first person, Black narratives, and applying a different set of rules to people, solely based on race.

Recently, I have had to un-friend some people on facebook. I know that sounds frivolous, but these are people I have known since high school. I know that I’m not alone in having to make these tough decisions, but I want to go over this, because I think it is important. As a white person, it’s really on me to check my inherent racism, but also to call it out in white people who are in my sphere.

I will never understand someone finding any value or worth in Trump, aside from white supremacists and Putin. Yet, there are so many who do, and so many of you will decry that they are not racist. I’ve called people out for this, and they have commented on my posts that underscore the inherent racism in supporting Trump.

What I found, in calling out these friends, is that eventually the arguments go flat. I reject their gaslighting, and they refuse to critically examine any evidence I show them of the Trump’s long-documented history of being racist. It goes well beyond the last 3 years, and has been evident for decades. Despite all that, it’s too inconvenient for people who are surrounded by an environment of Trump loving MAGA folk, to accept any criticism of someone who makes them feel like white people deserve their privilege and status.

What I realized, is that I had to make a decision. If I stayed friends with them, wouldn’t I just be saying that is was ok to agree to disagree? Wasn’t I dismissing their willingness to support a white supremacist, as acceptable? I realized I cannot do that. I will try to reach you, I will call out your rhetoric and implicit bias, but if you refuse to reason, gaslight the facts, make strawman arguments, and try to end the discussion, then I have to say goodbye. I cannot condone supporting white supremacy. Even if I wasn’t Jewish or a lesbian, I’d still be white, and I can’t care about Black Americans, while condoning the support of white supremacy. White supremacy is antithetical to the promise of this country, that we are all inherently equal. It’s not just that we are inherently equal, but that we have an inherent right to equality under the law. It is on me, as a white American, to demand that we make it a reality.

One thing I want to mention about this is the comments I see from white people, when we discuss racism. Again, we are not talking about hurling racist words, burning crosses, or being violent against people based on their race. I’m talking about the words we use in every day conversation. I recently read this list: 10 common phrases that are actually racist AF. I was surprised at how many phrases I use, that I didn’t know were rooted in racism. I see a common reaction from white people, when this type of thing is brought up. An eye roll and something to the effect of “you can’t say anything anymore!” or “everything has gotten so PC!”

Really, that’s just lazy. No one is saying you can’t say anything, but we are saying that you should care if your words perpetuate racism. It’s not just about your intent. It’s about the impact your words have. It’s common decency and respect. It’s about wanting to be inclusive enough that you aren’t just reluctantly willing to un-train yourself from the habit of saying certain things. It’s about actively wanting to, because you want a better world, not just for you, but for those you hurt. Because that is the reality. When you speak carelessly about someone on the basis of their race, you perpetuate the marginalization of all people within that race. You also bolster those who are overtly and violently racist. You help the racists feel that it’s ok or it’s not a big deal. Well, it is.

Another thing I want to take the time to do, is mention some of the action items I did last week, to step up and do more than just talk. This is not meant to be a point of bragging. Look at me! I’m an ally! Rather, it’s in part a way for me to be accountable. It’s a way to show that I’m not just sharing news and the narratives of Black Americans on social media. The other part of this, is that my whole point of posting these, is to encourage other white Americans to take tangible action. I hope by listing the things I’m doing, with links to resources, others may see that they can do some stuff too.

Last week I used resistbot to send a letter to my Senators, asking they demand a vote on H.R.35 – Emmett Till Antilynching Act .

It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t get a lot of likes and retweets, because it sent that letter to my Senators.

I signed on to a petition to end qualified immunity:

Another to end no-knock warrants:

and another to repeal 50-a in NY State, which kept police misconduct hidden from the public.

I’m thrilled to say this repeal has officially passed, which is not the end of our work, but it is substantial change in the right direction.

I donated to a group fund that was split between the following organizations:

I also donated to Equal Justice Initiative, twice. It wasn’t totally intentionally, but it kind of was. I watched Just Mercy, which is free on Amazon Prime. Try getting through that without a mountain of tissues. I’ve been a huge fan of the Innocence Project for years, and always been against the death penalty, but boy does this show how incredibly damaging it is.

I also did some phone banking for the State Senate candidate I am supporting, Samra Brouk. It was only about 40 calls, but hey if 50 people volunteered, that could be 2,000 calls. If you read my posts and watch my videos, you’re going to hear more and more about volunteering for candidates. Voting rights are under attack in this country, and Black Americans have never had full access to voting. That has got to change, but it will only change if we all demand it. This is our government, but only if we do the job of making sure it runs properly.

I didn’t do a video this time, partly because I’m more comfortable writing, but partly because I don’t want to repeat what I just said above. Maybe I’ll do another video in the future, but for now, let’s make sure we all get to work and keep on working. For the next week, I plan to keep reading White Fragility, by Robin DiAngelo.

I have a Monroe County library card, but as a New York state resident, I am also allowed to get a New York City Library card. Check big cities in your state, and you might be able to do the same. I use the Libby app, which has both library cards in it, to search for books I want to borrow. If one library doesn’t have the book, or there is a hold/wait, I check the other library. Once you borrow a book, you can send it to your kindle, you’ll get taken to an in-app browser page that is on the Amazon side, where you choose the device to send it to, and bam. All set. You can get the kindle app, even if you don’t have Amazon Prime, and you can put it on your phone, and tablets, even if they aren’t Amazon phones.

I love reading with the Kindle app, because I can highlight passages and words I learn, and then upload all those to goodreads, where I can have that book on my reading or read list and I can write reviews of books I have read. I’m just telling you all of this, because if you want to read White Fragility, please do, and I would love to discuss it with you.

I also want to encourage everyone to watch this video:

And then make these 3 calls. I will be making these calls as well:

Call Louisville Mayor Greg Fischer at 502-574-2003 – Demand he fire officers who murdered Breonna Taylor. * Note – I did this. You have to press 4 for the directory. Then I type his name, last then first = 34724374734. That gives his ext. 5025744545. Press # to be transferred. Then it hangs up.

Call Kentucky Attorney General Daniel Cameron at 502-696-5300 opt 1- Demand he charge the officers who murdered Breonna Taylor. *Note – I did this, and it’s interesting that they updated their phone system to put option 1 for feedback on Breonna Taylor’s murder, but they haven’t charged the officers who murdered her.

Call Interim Police Chief Robert Schroeder at 502-574-7111 – Demand he complete his investigation and immediately turn it over to Breonna’s lawyers and the Attorney General. *Note – I did this, and chose opt 6 then 4 to get to the Chief’s office. The mailbox is full.

She was murdered, while sleeping, on March 13th. The investigation has not been completed, and nothing has been done. The police department released the incident report and it’s virtually blank. This is not justice.

Breonna Taylor should still be alive. There must be justice. We must demand it.

My Appeal to White Americans

This is my appeal to white Americans. It is not well edited or perfect, but it is my way of doing what I can to encourage all white Americans to do what we can for fellow Black Americans. Below is a video I recorded, followed by the bulk of that transcript and then links to the resources I mentioned. Thank you for taking the time to listen, read, and consider being an ally in action for Black Americans.

Hello, my name is Courtney Fay and I live in Rochester, NY. As a white American, it is incumbent upon me to speak to my fellow white Americans. I do this for Black Americans, because the onus is not on them. It must be on us. I am imperfect and I may stumble, but I will not let that prevent me from doing what I can, to push for change, to stand with Black Americans, and to demand that all white Americans do the same.

I’ve been watching the protests and listening to Black Americans speak about the injustice they live with daily. I have seen cops instigating the attacks on peaceful protesters, I’ve seen outside agitators riot and loot and light a match to this tinder keg. I do not believe they are antifa. It is much more likely that they are white supremacists looking to delegitimize these valid protests.

The only place I can think to start, is to step up to the plate and do what many Black Americans ask us to do. Confront my own racism.  To be a white American is to be a product of a legacy of racism. There is no way around this. To deny it is to deny the last 400 years of white supremacist oppression of Black Americans. My grandfather, on my dad’s side, was racist. I didn’t know him well, because he had a stroke before I was born, and ½ of his brain had been paralyzed. What I knew of him, was that he was a strict man. He went to Harvard to become a lawyer, but could not finish his degree. He changed course and became a teacher, and then a principal.

I only had one experience of his racism, but it was enough. My cousin and I were folding laundry in the back room of my grandparent’s house. My grandfather was in the living room watching the Olympics, which my cousin and I were also watching, as we folded clothes. There was a track race on. I remember hearing the highlights of the runners, including a runner from an African country, though I was too young to remember which country. The African Olympian blew the other competitors away, and I was so impressed as he ran across that finish line. As he did, my grandfather, in the other room, yelled at the tv, “You learned to run like that in the jungle, you (n-word).” I shot up from my seated position on the floor, and was about to scream bloody murder at him, when my cousin shot up after me and slapped her hand over my face.

She looked at me and said, “Upstairs. Now.” She said that he was born in 1910 and didn’t know any better. It was how he was raised. I said that it was still wrong. She agreed, but noted that I was not going to change him and I would only cause problems. Even if he would have been receptive, with his stroke, that was highly unlikely. Because I was around 8 at the time, she was probably right, even though I still wish I had said something. The thing was, her mom and my parents had irrevocably broken that cycle. Her mom (My Aunt) taught English as a second language in a city school. My parents raised my brother and I on principles of love, and inherent equality for all people.

This is one example of the legacy of racism that I come from. My parents broke that chain, but it is not enough. It is not enough that I do not embrace racism. As a white American, it does not matter that I am Jewish. It does not matter that most people care more about my Judaism than knowing I am also ½ Catholic. It does not matter that I am a Lesbian. When I walk down the street, or into a store, or into a job interview, or into an emergency room, or into a police station, I am seen because I am a white American. I am seen as not a threat.

That is not the reality for Black Americans.

This nation was built on the promise that all people had an inherent right to equality and equity.

That is not our history, but that is our promise.

I love Black people. I do. I love Black men. I love Black women. I love Black children. It is not enough.

I knew there was racism, from the time I was young. My family was one that watched the news, and kept informed. My parents did not shield us from seeing racism, but rather pointed it out, so we would know it was wrong. Growing up in the 80’s, seeing it was thought to be enough, from my white bubble. It wasn’t until after 2000, that I was able to see that Black Americans needed more from white people, than for us to call them our friends. We needed to put our friendship into action.

This is not just police shooting Black Americans, and getting away with it. This is intersectional, systemic, generational racism, that seeps into every crack of every Black American’s life. It is death by 1,000 paper cuts. It is micro-aggressions that get flung every time a Black American turns a corner. I know this, because I’ve been doing my part to listen to Black Americans and I’ve learned how important it is to believe them. To that end, I want to pass along some of the ways I have learned, that we white Americans can break the bubble of privilege we live in.

The first is to speak up. That means owning up to the racism and implicit biases we carry. Any time we react differently to a situation, based on the race of the person in the situation. Anytime we realize that we have neglected to acknowledge a Black American in front of us. Any time we classify all Black Americans, or most, as any one attribute, trait, or behavior. All white Americans are not one thing, but for some reason it is not a problem to put this on Black Americans. It’s gaslighting, to let it go, in any situation, because one situation turns into 400 years of situations.

We must say these things out loud. Own up to them in front of other white Americans, and call out those prejudices in our family, with our friends, and our colleagues. There can be no equivocation. For 400 years, Black Americans have been told that they just need to be patient, act right, don’t be too loud, don’t agitate anyone, just be good enough, and maybe you will live. That would never be put on a white American. In having conversations with fellow white Americans, it will be difficult. There will be tension. There will be pushback and gaslighting and there will feel an urgency to compromise, and back down. This cannot be tolerated.

We must also educate ourselves, about Black American experiences and stories and narratives.  There are a plethora of amazing Black Americans to learn from and learn about. Excellent books, new outlets, journalists, activists, and organizations. When you are a white American, you have to go out of your way to hear and see Black stories, because they are not the default in your bubble. Pick a movie or tv show to watch. Pick a book to read. How often is the default of what you see, primarily white people’s stories? In order to hear and see Black American voices and people, you must make the choice to seek those stories out. To read, and listen, and care about understanding as best your can, what their experiences are in this country. The good news is, that once you do that, you widen your bubble. It’s the best thing you’ll ever do.  

I think it is excellent to be vocal on social media, to share and promote Black American voices, and to care from the comfort of our homes.  I also believe that being an ally means we must do more than talk. We must listen, and heed the urgency for white Americans to support Black Americans and protect them from white supremacy in this country. It has undeniably infiltrated our police departments.

Below are some lists that I ask white Americans to spend some time going through. I put together some lists of ways to support Black Americans in action. I recommend books to read, including my to-read list for further suggestions, documentaries, limited series, and movies to see, journalists, news outlets, activists to follow, read, and listen to, elected officials and candidates to support, organizations to support, other action items, and some of my action items for the next week.

These are not by any means exhaustive lists. These are just some of the Black American voices, stories, and people, whom I respect and appreciate. I find worth in what they have to say. I see them, and I hear them. I believe what they have to say is worth knowing and worth sharing with the world. My view is still limited, and that enables implicit bias. I look forward to expanding these lists, and there are many I did not include, because I am simply trying to help offer some hopefully useful suggestions and resources.

Books to read:

  1. The Fire Next Time, James Baldwin (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/19073499-the-fire-next-time)*
  2. Really, anything by James Baldwin (https://www.goodreads.com/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&q=James+Baldwin&search_type=books&search%5Bfield%5D=author)
  3. Uncle Tom’s Cabin, Harriet Beecher Stowe (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/41016406-uncle-tom-s-cabin-by-harriet-beecher-stowe?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=r9i0HsPWCE&rank=4)
  4. The Truths We Hold: An American Journey, Kamala Harris (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40861864-the-truths-we-hold?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=jSHAWr0gRa&rank=2)
  5. Kindred, Octavia E. Butler (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60931.Kindred?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=4hToHwnkyk&rank=1)
  6. The Color Purple, Alice Walker (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/11486.The_Color_Purple?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=9FHrz1VZeK&rank=1)

* currently reading

On my to read list:

  1. Becoming, Michelle Obama (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/38746485-becoming?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=uQwev189PK&rank=1)
  2. The Hate U Give, Angie Thomas (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/32075671-the-hate-u-give?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=LrxWDSvLY5&rank=1)
  3. Between the World and Me, Ta-Nehisi Coates (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25489625-between-the-world-and-me?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=pJAwU8dYON&rank=1)
  4. The Light of Truth: Writings of an Anti-lynching Crusader, Ida B. Wells-Barnett (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20893307-the-light-of-truth?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=5x6k969i9Z&rank=1)
  5. The 1619 Project, Nikole Hannah-Jones (https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/08/14/magazine/1619-america-slavery.html)
  6. Moving Forward: A Story of Hope, Hard Work, and the Promise of America, Karine Jean-Pierre (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44674907-moving-forward?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=sjE77nPIQP&rank=4)

Documentaries, limited series, and movies to see:

  1. 13th (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5895028/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1)
  2. I Am Not Your Negro (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5804038/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1)
  3. When They See Us (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7137906/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1)
  4. If Beale Street Could Talk (Book by James Baldwin) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7125860/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1)
  5. Girl Rising (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2444946/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1)

Journalists, news outlets, activists to follow, read, and listen to:

  1. The Root (https://www.theroot.com/)
  2. Joy Reid (https://twitter.com/JoyAnnReid)
  3. Nikole Hannah Jones (https://twitter.com/nhannahjones)
  4. Karine Jean-Pierre (https://twitter.com/K_JeanPierre)
  5. Maya Wiley (https://twitter.com/mayawiley)
  6. Bree Newsome Bass (https://twitter.com/BreeNewsome)
  7. Imani Gandy (https://twitter.com/AngryBlackLady)
  8. Colin Kaepernick (https://twitter.com/Kaepernick7)
  9. Tarana Burke (https://twitter.com/TaranaBurke)
  10. April Reign (https://twitter.com/ReignOfApril)
  11. Michael Harriot (https://twitter.com/michaelharriot)
  12. Soledad O’Brien (https://twitter.com/soledadobrien)
  13. Matthew A. Cherry (https://twitter.com/MatthewACherry)
  14. Kristen Clarke (https://twitter.com/KristenClarkeJD)
  15. Jason Reynolds (https://twitter.com/JasonReynolds83)
  16. Bernice King (https://twitter.com/BerniceKing)
  17. Jason Overstreet (https://twitter.com/JasonOverstreet)
  18. Rev. Cornell William Brooks (https://twitter.com/CornellWBrooks)
  19. Ava DuVernay (https://twitter.com/ava)
  20. Charles P. Pierce (https://twitter.com/CharlesPPierce)
  21. Mari Copeny (https://twitter.com/LittleMissFlint)

Elected officials and candidates to support:

  1. Rep. Maxine Waters (https://twitter.com/RepMaxineWaters)
  2. Rep. Val Demmings (https://twitter.com/RepValDemings)
  3. Senator Kamala Harris (https://twitter.com/SenKamalaHarris)
  4. Senator Ayanna Pressley (https://twitter.com/RepPressley)
  5. Rep. Eleanor Holmes Norton (https://twitter.com/EleanorNorton)
  6. Rep Lauren Underwood (https://twitter.com/RepUnderwood)
  7. Stacey Abrams (https://twitter.com/staceyabrams)
  8. Letitia James (https://twitter.com/NewYorkStateAG)
  9. Samra Brouk (https://twitter.com/samraforsenate)
  10. Senator Elizabeth Warren (https://twitter.com/ewarren)
  11. Jaime Harrison (https://twitter.com/harrisonjaime)
  12. Mayor Lovely Warren (https://twitter.com/lovelyawarren)

Organizations to support:

  1. NAACP (https://www.naacp.org/)
  2. Black Lives Matter (https://blacklivesmatter.com/)
  3. Alliance for Justice (https://www.afj.org/)
  4. Antidefamation League (https://www.adl.org/)
  5. National Urban League (https://nul.org/)

Other action items:

  1. Verify voter registration is valid and active.
  2. Contact your representatives at the local, state, and federal level to demand meaningful actions be taken to protect Black Americans. Every police officer, who has killed a Black person, must be arrested and charged. There must be a trial. There must be justice.
  3. Support local Black owned businesses.
  4. Donate to local shelters and outreach centers.
  5. Get off the sidelines and support a progressive candidate for office. Support a Black American candidate for elected office. Actively support Black American representation in this country.
  6. Support Black voices.
  7. Listen to them.
  8. Hear them.
  9. Believe them. You will have to urge to correct them or pick apart what they are saying. Stop. Just believe them and spend some time with accepting what they said, as they said it, without you trying to control their words or make them fit through your bubble.
  10. Find ways you can use your white privilege, to support a Black American person in your life. If you see someone stopped by cops, STAY. Video tape, and make sure they are ok.
  11. If you are present when a Black friend, colleague, acquaintance, or passerby and you see they are being denigrated, disrespected, or attacked in anyway, be a stop gap. Confront the situation. Acknowledge the Black American and confront the white American’s actions. Stand with the Black American and insist the white American do the same. Help de-escalate and aggression and do not dismiss or ignore racism, including micro-aggressions.

My action items for the next week are the following:

  1. Contact my local, state and federal representatives to demand meaningful actions be taken to protect Black Americans. Every police officer, who has killed a Black person, must be arrested and charged. There must be a trial. There must be justice.
  2. Volunteer for a fantastic candidate for elected office, Samra Brouk. (https://samraforsenate.com/)
  3. Reach out to my Black American friends and colleagues, to ask if there is anything I can do to support them. If they think I can help, I want to know, so I can.
  4. I donated to Reclaim the Block (https://www.reclaimtheblock.org/home) and plan on donating to Black Lives Matter this week.

If you feel I have left out anything important, or if any of my links don’t work, please let me know. Thank you.

Let’s Lay out Some Facts

I don’t know about you, but I am facebook friends with lots of classmates from high school.  Recently someone I graduated with, posted something that struck me as something that could be taken as racist.  It seemed like the comments to her post were going in that direction.  This prompted me to eventually respond.  I wasn’t suggesting she was being racist, but rather her post could be taken that way.  Of course this devolved and one of her friends piled on. Both she and I tried to turn things around, add levity, and then things went off the rails, and we wound up turning to discussing Trump.  After I saw the last response from my classmate, I just felt I needed more space than a facebook comment. I needed to lay out facts with sources, so we can be clear about what is an impression someone has of someone, an unfounded conspiracy theory, vs publicly available evidence and facts.

I grabbed screenshots of the post and responses, redacting all names and profile pics, to preserve anonymity. S1 is my classmate, and the original poster.  S2 is me. S3 is a facebook friend of my classmate, and someone I have never met.  Click an image to go to a larger view and read them.

I fully acknowledge that I did not always get the best form of the argument, and I always wish I could respond to this stuff better. Nevertheless, I have to try, because silence just is not good enough.  Regardless, I need to respond to the last comment, as I haven’t yet. That’s because I cannot just ignore the willingness of people, including my fellow classmate, to dismiss all that is publicly known about Trump. It’s beyond absurd to me that people excuse everything horrible about him, when they would never give 1/10th of the same pass to Schumer, Pelosi, President Obama, Hillary Clinton, or anyone with a D next to their name.

I know there are lots of people out there, who could respond to this better than I can, but I will do my best. The first point we should lay out the facts on, are business execs in NYC think Trump is a bad businessman.  This isn’t just “people talk”. This is a common consensus, that he is really bad at business. His base will say, “then why is he so successful?”  My question back is, how do you know he is? He has towers and businesses, but he refuses to disclose his tax returns to this day, and without those, you have no idea how much money, or rather how much debt he has.  Most legitimate economic experts agree that he is likely up to his eyeballs in debt. Either way, without them, you can’t arguably say he is a good businessman, because you don’t have the proof.  This is a good primer, of his business history, and it was printed in 2016. Why Donald Trump isn’t the successful businessman he claims to be

To my classmate, and I hope friend, you are right. Actions do speak louder than words.  These are Trump’s business actions:

I could give more examples, but we only have so much time. I will say, that the idea that there is no teamwork in government is absolutely false. If you are so sure of that, I would challenge you to prove it.  In the last 20 years, Congress has become increasingly partisan and gridlocked, but there can be bipartisanship and things can get done. This is also true at the state and local level.  It’s an excuse to just write off all government as bad.  If we aren’t voting and paying attention, the ones there don’t have much incentive to make sure it works. That being said, I’ve worked at the county level of government, and people who work in military service, civil service, public service, or any type of government service, absolutely participate in team work. If they didn’t, nothing at all would get done.  People take for granted all that our government does just “keeping the lights on”.

Moving on to the next points of that last comment, I have no idea why Bloomberg is being brought up.  I am a life-long Democrat and I can’t stand him. I was never more happy, than when Senator Warren tore him to shreds.  He’s not a real Democrat. He has spent a long time attacking Democrats.  He registered as one, so he could try to buy the nomination. That wasn’t my idea, and I’m not responsible for his actions.  I don’t know why we are bringing him into this though, other than he’s another example of a greedy businessman, who thinks he can run for President to get some good press for his legacy. He has no bearing on this, as he’s not someone I’ve ever supported or ever would.

I also find it ridiculous that Biden was brought up, but no elaboration. A topic for another time? Nah, let’s discuss it now.  He was not my first, second, or third choice for the Democratic nominee, and he’s still 1,000 times better than Trump. He was instrumental in passing the Violence Against Women Act. (The Violence Against Women Act Was Signed 25 Years Ago. Here’s How the Law Changed American Culture) Since that article mentions marital rape, it’s significant to note that Ivana Trump said in sworn deposition, that Trump raped her.  There are many allegations against him, and they have a pattern that indicates these are not false allegations. (When Has Trump Been Accused of Rape or Attempted Rape? Allegations Include a Child, His Wife and a Business Associate)

Biden has worked hard in the Senate, and as VP, raising awareness on campus sexual assault.  He understands and respects the constitution. I guarantee you Trump doesn’t even know the articles, let alone the amendments. They are not on the same level. Trump is wholly uneducated on running a government and has been trying to flout laws and regulations, since becoming President.  He doesn’t respect our democratic institutions.  Putting Trump on the same level as Biden, is the same as putting him on the same level as Hillary Clinton.  Before I’m willing to go into depth on Secretary Clinton, I’ll need you to accept a challenge. Watch the four-part “Hillary” documentary on Hulu.  Really watch it, and see if you knew everything that is in it. Consider how much you’ve been told about her and how much it doesn’t actually match up with reality. Spoiler: She’s not the evil mastermind you think she is.  She is a life-long activist, and a brilliant legal and political mind. Is she perfect? Of course not. But there is not any human being who is perfect. It’s just that it seems people on the right are never willing to acknowledge criticism of their own candidates and reps. They also refuse to see anything good in anyone who is a Democrat.

Nancy Pelosi is not washed up and it’s pretty crappy to suggest someone has dementia, as a way to lob an insult.  She was the first female member of any party to lead a chamber of Congress. For more of her accomplishment, you can peruse this: Nancy Pelosi’s List Of Accomplishments As Speaker Proves She’s The Champion We Still Need.

Please don’t get me started on stocks. Pelosi’s husband exercised an option he had on stocks that were set to expire the next day. (Nancy Pelosi discloses her husband spent $5.52 million on Amazon, Facebook stock) Considering the stock dumping done by the GOP, and the fact that Trump won’t release his tax returns at all, and Jared and Ivanka have repeatedly had to amend their financial disclosures, I don’t think you really want to go down this rabbit hole. (Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner made up to $135 million while working for free)

All eyes remain on Trump, because he chose to run for President. No one forced him to do this. It is the highest position, not just of leadership but of public service, that a person can run for.  Public service is something people aspire to. It is a public trust, and that trust is made by public servants being transparent and accountable to the people. Those are two things Trump has never been. If you want to talk about people trying to profit off the pandemic, you can’t dismiss Trump. (Germany confirms that Trump tried to buy firm working on coronavirus vaccine)

I don’t know why it’s seen as a positive, the idea that he “kisses no ass” and “he tells it like it is”. I’m sure you’d like it to be that way, but that’s not the reality. The reality is that he is rude, and has no respect for other world leaders or public servants. He denigrates other elected officials and lacks all dignity in the way he speaks. He belittles the office of the Presidency.

He doesn’t tell it like it is, either. He lies constantly, and it is well documented.  These are just his lies during the pandemic: All the President’s Lies About the Coronavirus. You are welcome to google the rest. Many have laid out thousands of lies he has told. It is unprecedented, compared to other Presidents, Democratic or Republican. The way that he talks and behaves legitimately fits into the markers for narcissistic personality disorder: Narcissistic personality disorder (Mayo Clinic.

My bottom line is this. Trump is not a good guy. He’s not being attacked for nonsense. He’s being criticized for being unfit to do the job he chose to run for. He doesn’t understand or respect our democracy. He’s actively tearing it down and echoes the calls of tyrants and dictators.  If you can honestly read every article I linked to, challenge yourself to watch the Hillary documentary, and say that Trump is still a good guy, well I guess I did my best to challenge your beliefs.  I simply ask that you look at what you are using to base your beliefs on.  Are you going based on proven facts, from reputable sources, or are you listening to Fox News propaganda?

I didn’t get a chance to comment on all of the responses in that thread, but mimicking a Chinese or AAPI accent is racist. Suggesting that you like salons, sushi, and sake, but you don’t like materialism, is racist.  Chinese people, and all AAPI people, are more than just the jobs that some AAPI have, or the food and drink some of their cultures make and sell.

I got into this, because I didn’t want to let even casual racism go unchallenged.  Somehow that turned into a conversation on Trump.  While we work to correct assumptions and ensure we are agreeing on what is fact and what is not founded, let’s please consider that an entire race or culture cannot be stereotyped into a few random traits from the handful of AAPI people you have ever met.

As a Jewish person, I sat next to you in social studies in high school. I don’t know if you were aware or remember the swastikas that would be drawn on my desk and locker. I don’t know if you remember people raising their arms in a heil Hitler salute, saying “The occult’s coming out tonight, boys.” I don’t know if you recall Miss P. responding to my asking if she was going to do anything with “What do you expect me to do?”.  I don’t know if you were aware that I would get crank calls at night, from classmates telling me they were going to come kill me.

Talking about cultures and races and religions, like they are all the same people is dangerous and it is racist. We are almost 8 billion people in this world. Our materialism, our morality, and our lives are varied. They transcend our races, cultures, and religions.  I am taking this time to write this out, because I do care about you and I don’t want to just ignore what you are saying.  I know you can be better, and reject these inclinations to back a bombastic unqualified person who has never done anything but enrich himself. The movement on the right is extremely prejudice.  To support any candidate who is openly racist, is to condone and be complicit in their racism.

As I said in one of my comments, it is not enough to just not be racist. We must be actively anti-racist, which means calling it out even when it seems “casual”.  Not all white people believe one thing or act one way. The same is true for every other race on earth.  Please take some time to learn about racism more.  I recommend the documentary “I am Not Your Negro”. It appears to be on Amazon Prime, and if you have a library card, you can get it on Hoopla.

I also recommend “13th”, on Netflix, and the Netflix mini-series “When They See Us”.  Racism is a much bigger issue, than white people want to believe it is.  That is because they don’t experience it constantly.  Speaking in racist tones may not seem like it should matter, but it absolutely does. It normalizes racism and leads to violence.  This is not something I say lightly, or without proof that it is happening. (New Site Collects Reports Of Racism Against Asian Americans Amid Coronavirus Pandemic) I know that there are way better journalists and scholars who can recommend better sources to learn about this.  Maybe if any of them read this, they’ll be kind enough to add those in the comments.

I know that this was much more than a simple facebook comment, but I didn’t want to just throw back a flippant response. I wanted to respect my former classmate and friend enough to give a full response.  I know that I jumped around a bit, but I tried to hit on some points that I thought were important.  Thank you for your time, and to my former classmate and friend I wish you the best. Just as you said to me and your friend, we need people like you in the world.  We just also need to get racism out of our world too.

To my Representatives in Congress

According to CNN, FEMA and HHS have been found to not be coordinating the delivery of available equipment and supplies from the Pentagon to medical facilities and places that need them. (https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/31/politics/pentagon-ventilators/index.html )

Trump is concerned more about being number 1 on Facebook, than managing this rampant global pandemic that is killing mass amounts of people a day. (https://youtu.be/oMm9cjF1o0Q ) These are not the words of someone who is grasping the gravity of this global health crisis. This is not someone who is even demonstrating a full awareness of what is happening.

According to the CNN article above, the coronavirus task force in the White House is an absolute and complete sham. That is already something that was public knowledge the minute it was announced. Pence is on the record as not believing in science.

We simply cannot afford to allow the people managing this crisis, being people who have no knowledge or experience in science, medicine, or caring for the health of other people.

I ask that you urge your fellow Congressional representatives to immediately determine a way to hold remote hearings and votes, using widely available video technology, and ensuring it can be aired on C-SPAN so that the voters can be witness to their representatives working for them, and so the record can be preserved. We must have a Congressional COVID19 commission now, to ensue the administration doesn’t endanger the lives of Americans, through corruption, negligence, and incompetence.

We must have all the information about what the administration is doing, where the coordination is, where urgently needed supplies are, where the tests are, how effective they are, tracing, and all of it.

We must have transparency and accountability from our government or we will lose countless lives. Please get this done. This is why you are our representatives. We need hearings, documents, testimony, and results. We need our government to be for all of the people.

Thank you,

Courtney Fay

Why Bring Race Into This?

I shared a post on Facebook, to this article:

In a moment of sarcasm I wrote the post as “Man, oh man. That sounds about white.”

Someone on my facebook friends list (who will remain nameless in this post) commented the following: “Why bring race into this? You are white btw.”

I wanted to respond to that, but thought it merited more than a facebook comment.  My post was a sarcastic commentary not just on the race of the individual, but the gender.

I bring them both up, because they are part of “this”.  Justice in this country, is not delivered consistently. White men often get more lenient sentences than men of color. 

In cases of rape and sexual assault, the man usually gets the benefit of the doubt, and their future is often of more concern, than the justice or welfare of the woman. 

It’s such a prevalent issue, for so many women, someone started a post a while back about all the things they would do, if they could walk around with the freedom that men do. It went viral with women posting all the things that they would do, if they didn’t have to worry about being attacked by a man. At the same time men were reeling from all the #MeToo allegations and there was this collective outrage of how hard it is for guys to know how to hit on women etc. 

The reality is that men are often aggressive and entitled, when it comes to women. No, not all men. We are sure that you, reading this, are an angel. But many are. We are talking about a majority of the population. This really ends up being received by women as ridiculous, considering all the advice we get, to prevent being attacked or raped.  Don’t stay out late, carry pepper spray, wear a ring on your left finger, wear modest clothing, never leave a drink unattended, don’t drink too much. 

Men aren’t told to do any of this. Just women. The ring on the finger really gets to me. You have to pretend to be “owned” by a man, to prevent a man from feeling entitled to your time or your body.

Well, all of that online conversing, resulted in this fantastic ode, to what a scary time it is for guys, who don’t know how to relate to women, in comparison to what women go through.


To summarize this post…

Why bring up race? Because if that man had been a black man, he more than likely never would have been given home incarceration. He would have been put in jail with an exorbitant bail set, or no bail.

Why bring up gender? Because men have privilege and entitlement in our society, that women just do not get.

 

I highly recommend watching the documentary 13th (on Netflix), to learn about how racist our justice system is. Knowing the history, is important to improving things now and in the future.

Just to end this on a note of levity, I wanted to share this clip, in reference to the comment “you are white btw”, like I don’t know that.  I’ll leave it to the genius of Richard Pryor:

  1. Do my parents know???? 😂 Do I have to change my name to Becky? Dammit.
  2. According to white supremacists, since I’m Jewish, I’m not “really” white.
  3. My whiteness means I have undue privilege, and I choose to use that to highlight this stuff. I don’t want more than what others have. I want my friends of color to get the same treatment I get, in our justice system.A good example of this just popped up recently. A woman of color called 911, for help. When the police got there, they ended up forcing her to the ground and arresting her. We all know that if I had called, that never would have happened to me. Florida Cop Relieved of Duty After Video Emerges of Police Violently Arresting Black Woman Who Called for Help (~ The Root)
  4. White supremacy is crap. We are not superior. I don’t want race superiority. I want equality and equity, across race and gender.
  5. Being white doesn’t mean I shouldn’t criticize white people getting better treatment in our judicial system. It means I should. That’s called being an ally.

Thank you, for your time.

In Duty to Public Service

Governor Northam,

I get that desire to put the past in the past, but this isn’t something that can just be forgiven and forgotten. A truly responsible candidate should be expected to disclose this kind of abhorrent behavior, and find some way to explain it to the public. Anyone seeking to serve the public, cannot dodge hard stuff like this. They must lead by example and do the hard things.

It being exposed, shows you hoped it wouldn’t come out, or you didn’t think it required any explanation or amends. You betrayed the trust of the people.
I am not from Virginia.
I am an American.
I am a lifelong Democrat.
I am not a person of color.
I am Jewish.
I am an ally to people of color.
It’s not enough to just apologize. A willingness to embrace hate, comes with consequences. It hurts real people. It encourages prejudiced people to attack minorities, to lie & marginalize them. If this country will ever live up to its potential, we must agree on a few things.
Our country has a core constitutional ideal, that every citizen has a right to life, liberty & the pursuit of happiness. Our founding fathers stated that in our Declaration of Independence, & it was the framework for our Constitution & Bill of Rights. This is our promise.
We have yet to live up to it. We can, and that is our great promise, but we have yet to live up to it. Our founding fathers came up with this ideal, but they were also flawed men. We need not glorify them, as much as we need to tell their truth. We can’t rewrite the past.
Our founding fathers were white men, who massacred, kidnapped, tortured, and enslaved Africans and Native Americans. We slaughtered Mexicans, and interred Japanese. We continue to damage, threaten and attack people of color, Muslims, people of Islamic faith, Jewish, LGBT….

I cannot support someone as a candidate or elected official, who spreads hate, nor one who would fail to disclose past acts of hate & prejudice. It is a failing of the oath our officials swear, to defend the equal rights of every citizen.

Governor Northam, you must resign. If you are committed to repairing the damage, you must accept these consequences and work to repair the damage, as a private citizen.

Sincerely,
A Citizen Committed to Equality for People of Color

Quiz – What Kind of Man are You?

The Kavanaugh allegations of attempted rape are triggering for so many women, and I know this blog post of mine will be just one in a crowd.  Nevertheless, I feel compelled to tell my story. I would say stories, but it’s the story of what I’ve experienced, in my life so far. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg is quoted as saying,

“I ask no favor for my sex; all I ask of our brethren is that they take their feet off our necks.”
(Watch Ruth Bader Ginsburg Talk Sexism, Equality in New Doc Trailer)

The biggest part that is so triggering for me, and so many other women, is that there is debate at all. An incredibly brave woman came forward with a horrifically serious allegation of sexual assault and attempted rape. She was so young when it happened, of course she didn’t feel strong enough to say anything to an authority. I don’t blame her. She was over-powered by extremely privileged white boys, who had money and power. I wouldn’t want to go up against that kind of power, for fear of getting attacked any more than I already had been.

I’m not trying to speak for her. She has every right to speak or not speak, for herself. I am simply empathizing with her experience, and putting all my understanding where it should be; with the person saying they were assaulted.  By virtue of it being established fact, that they knew each other at the time, that makes this a credible enough allegation that there has to be an FBI investigation. If not, our Senate, our President, and our government will be failing one of our citizens, in dismissing the justice Dr. Ford seeks. There is no statute of limitations on this. There is no deadline for vetting a nominee. McConnell reinforced that precedent, with Judge Merrick Garland.

There is a duty, of the Senate Judiciary Committee, to thoroughly and extensively vet any nominee for the Supreme Court. It isn’t supposed to be as incredibly partisan as it is. Republicans are forsaking their duty to remain impartial in this process, and they are acting in bad faith, by not requesting the FBI do a thorough background check, to determine the veracity of this claim.

The hardest part of watching this all happen, is seeing all the men rushing to defend Kavanaugh. They want to discredit Dr. Ford’s claims, by mistaken identity, and suggesting that she should have reported it sooner.  I decided to write this, so that I could stand up and in front of Dr. Ford, even if just in my own small way.  I will recount all the times I have been put upon, by a man. All of the times, I have had a man’s foot on my neck, at least in a sexual way. Where a man treated me as an object, or as a gender he had a right to take ownership of. To touch, feel, grab, push, pull, overpower.

One

When I was 5, I was raped by a family member.  I have not confronted that person, and have little reason to believe he will ever read this post. We don’t keep in touch with that side of the family, and didn’t much back then. That’s likely why he did it. He figured he would get away with it. I had blocked it out, a while after it happened, and it came flooding back to me, one day, when I was at the gym, in my late 20’s. I remember doing sit-ups and all the sudden, all the memories came flooding back.

The dress I was wearing.  It was white and yellow. My mom had made it for me. I remember my underwear, because he had pulled them down. They were white and had frilly lace on the bottoms. I remember the desk he had put me on. I remember when he picked me up, hurriedly sat in the chair, and whisked me onto his lap, because there was a knock at the door.  I remember him whispering in my ear, “If you tell anyone, I will kill your mom, your dad, and and your brother.” I was terrified. I know I tried to tell my mom a few times.

Because I was terrified that he would somehow find out, and would kill my mom, my favorite person, I always chickened out.

Two

By the time I was 12, I had blocked it out, and didn’t really remember what had happened. That doesn’t mean the trauma didn’t affect me. I acted out a lot, and was most certainly being affected by the trauma, but I was blind to why, because I had never been able to process what happened to me. I had buried it, along with my childhood.

When I was 12, I would go with a friend, to help her deliver her paper route after school. We lived in a small town, so we were allowed to hang out in town alone.  The plan was to go to her place after we finished her route, and do our homework.  It started raining, so we ran into the Nice ‘N Easy. My friend told me to wait there, and she would run to drop off a few of the papers, so I wouldn’t get so wet. She knew the store clerk, an older guy.

After she left, he chatted with me. Small talk, really. He then told me, that I could come back behind the counter and see what it was like back there. I was so young and naive, I just thought that was so cool. It was like getting to go backstage in a show.  Once I went back there, he cornered me, and started trying to feel me up. I was so scared and uncomfortable. I hadn’t even hit puberty yet. I was still playing with dolls and didn’t understand what was happening. He had cornered me into an actual corner, between the doorway to leave the behind the counter area, and the rest of the back area. He had his arm up to block me, so I couldn’t get away.

All of the sudden, my friend came back in.  I screamed her name, and he got distracted.  I dodged under his arm, but had to go toward the counter, because I couldn’t risk not being able to get out the door, on the other side. I jumped over the counter, like a hurdle, and we both ran out of there.  I will never forget how terrified I was, and how much I wanted to punch him in the throat, as much as I needed to get away. I was infuriated, but he had all the power.

Three

When I was a teenager (about 14), I was in and out of trouble with my parents. Because my dad was a psychologist and my mom was a nurse, they were well versed in the importance of mental health, and wanted me to go to counseling. For a brief while, I saw a psychologist. I didn’t get a great feeling from him. He made me uncomfortable. During one session, he got up from his seat, and sat next to me. He was trying to get me to open up. He put his hand on my thigh. I shot up off the couch and sprang to the other side of the room. I was still fresh from the experience in the convenient store. I was so done with men being gropey with me, that I told my mom, and she let me get a new counselor. This time, I got to pick a woman.

Four

When I was a senior in high school, I worked full-time at McDonald’s. I met a lot of great friends there, and ended up moving in with one.  My parents were divorced, both in a battle over child support money that they both needed, because we didn’t have a lot of money. I was caught in the middle, and since I worked full time, I really just waned to not be involved in the drama.  The friend I moved in with, lived in a double-wide trailer, about a town and a half away from my town and school.

She lived with her boyfriend, and 2 other guys, who were crashing with them.  One of the guys apparently liked me a lot. He constantly remarked at how pretty I was, to the point that it got incredibly uncomfortable.  When my friend gave me the choice of the spare bed, couch or recliner chair to sleep in, I chose the chair. It really was comfy, but also made it way harder for that guy to try anything. Anytime we would be hanging out, he would poke me, and try to be handsy with me, and I cringed every time. It got so bad my friend finally told him to leave me the hell alone. He knocked it off after that, but it wasn’t until my friend told him to respect my boundaries, to be left alone, that he was finally called out to a level that made him stop.

Five

I was raped, when I was in college. Yeah, I know. Why does this keep happening to me? This was before I had unblocked being raped as a child. This wasn’t a violent rape. It was the type of “acquaintance” rape, we are talking more and more about. I had had way too much to drink, which many might blame me for. It’s certainly why I never reported it. I knew I would be told I drank too much, and it was my fault.  I was hanging out in front of the off campus apartment, where I was living, during my senior year. I met this cute guy, hanging out at my neighbor’s.

He invited me to walk back with him, to his place, to hang out.  I said sure. It was the weekend, and like I said, he was cute. On the way, we took shortcuts through yards and over brick walls, because they were just shortcuts he knew. I sprained my ankle at one point, and he was a complete gentleman.  We got back to his place, hung out for a while, and then got on the top bunk of his bed, to make out. Once it started to go too far, I told him to stop. I said the word “stop” and “no” multiple times, while trying to push his body off me, but he was too heavy for me to over-power him, and I was too drunk.

I did the proverbial walk of shame, later that next morning. I had to go to the health center to get crutches, the morning after pill, and the doctor told me I would need to wait about 3 months to be tested for HIV, and then I would want to keep getting tested every 6 months, for the next year or so.   I saw him out at a bar a week or so later, when my friends encouraged me to at least come out to have a drink with them.  He apologized profusely and said there was no excuse, not even him being drunk, but he really didn’t even remember what had happened, until one of my friends told him. I’ll never forget, since that was the moment I thought I lost my virginity, in the last way I ever hoped to lose it.

Years later, when I finally remembered the childhood trauma that I had blocked out, I eventually realized that my virginity had never really been mine. It had been taken from me long before I ever even thought of giving it away.

Now

Seeing what the men in the Republican party are doing to Dr. Ford now, disgusts me. It also confirms my suspicions, that if I had ever come forward with any of these allegations, toward any of the men who had put themselves upon me, I would have invited myself to be attacked by more men. Not sexually, but it would result in me reliving those horrible experiences again and again. That’s why so many women are exulting her bravery. It is not to be understated. It is no small thing, to come forward with a claim of sexual assault, attempted rape, rape, or molestation. You will 100% be told you are lying, don’t remember details correctly, should have reported sooner, and are making it a bigger deal than it is.

Dr. Ford has no reason to lie, and nothing to gain by this, other than justice. What I can’t stomach, is that I see so many women standing up for Dr. Ford and so many men standing up for Kavanaugh. Senator Grassley and Senator McConnell should be shamed from the Senate, for not taking this seriously. This is not Democrats trying to discredit their nominee. They didn’t do this. Kavanaugh did this, when he put himself upon Dr. Ford, when they were teenagers. It doesn’t matter that it has been 35 years. It does matter, that he has never accepted responsibility for his actions, and it matters a lot that the Republicans backing his nomination to the Supreme Court are more concerned with confirming him, than they are at fully vetting him.

That’s not the way our Senate is supposed to work. Just as they are supposed to check and balance abuses by our Executive branch, they are supposed to check and balance the Judicial branch. Extensively vetting a nominee for the highest court, is part of that duty. It is a sacred duty, and it is a higher calling. It cannot be all partisan politics. It has to be public service, for the greater good. The greater good absolutely, must include full agency, autonomy, and justice be preserved not just for men, but for women.

Her life was permanently marred, by Kavanaugh’s actions, in high school.  I’m sure he thought he would never be caught or held responsible for pushing himself on her. To quote his own thinking, “What happens at Georgetown Prep stays at Georgetown Prep” (‘What happens at Georgetown Prep stays at Georgetown Prep’: Kavanaugh remarks in 2015 speech get renewed scrutiny)

I don’t know what other American women see, when they see the pictures of Kavanaugh, in his heyday. To me, he looks like the epitome of rich, entitled, white prep boy. This is a class of boys, who grow up so rich, they have no idea that most of the world has no where near the privilege they have. They aren’t raised to care about others, only about getting what they want, because they are rich and entitled to it. They take what they want. They have the most decked out locker rooms, to talk about any kind of locker room talk, they desire. 

Is this an unfair characterization? If women all women reported all sexual assault, you would be shocked to find how many girls have been raped by boys fitting that description. It’s an epidemic, and the worst part is, grown men in the Senate are perpetuating that culture. They are excusing it any way that they can, and they are doing everything they can to cover it up and sweep it under the rug. If they weren’t. Grassley and McConnell would both be requesting an FBI investigation and they would subpoena Mark Judge, before asking Dr. Ford to testify. They would have sensitivity to what she is saying happened, and they would take her claim as credible, for no other reason than she has no reason to lie. If they cared about the justice of it, they should want to know if it is true, and that would mean a proper investigation, and it would not mean putting the onus on Dr. Ford.

My story and the different things I went through are so commonplace, that they won’t make much noise. That’s because there are so many worse stories out there. That doesn’t make the trauma or the pain less, but it does make you feel the weight of the history of women being oppressed. Yes, this happens to boys and men too. The problem is, that in the history of man-kind, men typically have full agency, autonomy, and power. They have historically over-powered women in a systemic way. It seeps into every part of every culture. We go from being our father’s daughters to our husband’s wives. We go from belonging to one man, to belonging to another man. That used to mean as real property. Women were literally given their hand in marriage, to the best buyer. The dowry was a bribe. Money, livestock, and anything else that made the woman have any value at all, being that she was not endowed with power or worth of her own making.

Yes, we have long since left those days, but that doesn’t mean men have fully gotten the memo, that women don’t owe them anything. If a guy buys a girl a drink at a bar, does she owe him something? If he buys her dinner? Where is the line of demarcation? At what point does a woman lose her autonomy and agency? When she becomes pregnant and loses the right to chose what happens to her body? When she’s walking down the street and a man decides her butt looks good enough to slap? When a guy decides she is sleeping, so she won’t even know?

When Anita Hill showed the world what courage looks like, I was still very young. I was 13, and my parents were in the middle of getting divorced. I remember her raising her hand. I remember the hearings, with mostly old white men starring her down, and thinking how terrified she must have felt.  I didn’t know much, but I remember the feeling in my gut. I knew she was going to get clobbered by those men. I ached with sadness, that she wasn’t better protected at the time. I’m grateful that she is speaking up again now, considering she is certainly well versed in the attacks Dr. Ford is now receiving.

If we are truly going to learn a lesson, from what Anita Hill went through, then I say it’s time we put it to men to stand up and say what kind of man they are. Hence the title of this piece “Quiz – What Kind of Man are You?”. I chose that title, because I keep seeing the same patterns of discourse from men. “Geeze! What are we supposed to do? Can we even say hi to women, without them crying rape? What the hell?” These men need to take a seat, read more stories, like mine, and hear more women. They need to stop putting their “fun” ahead of the full equity and equality of women.

Here is a starting point.  Pick what type of man your are, and then we can work on how to proceed:

It’s Not That Big of a Deal, Man

This type of man will always put all the responsibility, on a woman. If a woman is put upon by a man, she welcomed it, she didn’t do enough to prevent it, and she didn’t report it fast enough. It’s never the fault of the man, and if it was, it was either a long time ago, or she should have done something differently. 

Your remedy: Stop doing that. Sit down and listen to more women. A lot of women don’t report, and your perspective, your rhetoric is the problem. You may not have committed assault against a woman, but your excuses inflict damage, and allow assault to be explained away.

It’s None of My Business, Man

This type of man will always try to say this is a private matter. It’s none of his business, and we shouldn’t talk about it. This type of guy will also encourage girls/women to pretend it never happened. Just don’t talk about it and move on.  

Your remedy: Stop doing that. Period. You cannot sweep this under the rug, and you disservice all women. Imagine every woman you care about, has been raped. I know, it’s a really horrific and uncomfortable feeling, right? Now imagine that she can’t say anything, because she has seen you suggest that we shouldn’t talk about it. You have shown her how you’ll respond. She knows she won’t have your support, which means she will never get the support she needs.


He’s Got a Bright Future, Man

This type of man will excuse what happened, as not as of big a deal as the woman is making it out to be. He was drunk, or it was a long time ago, or it was just horseplay.  Your bottom line is that this guy has a bright future, and you don’t want to see it ruined. To you, the man is more important than the woman. Not just more important. He is the only one, who’s future you seem concerned with. Her justice is never as important to you. Her injury is more an inconvenience to you, than anything else. Her past and future take a back seat to his past and future. 

Your remedy: Stop doing that. Anytime there is an allegation of sexual assault, take it seriously. Spend at least a little time, trying to imagine someone else having power over you. Their breath on you, their hands on you, and their whispers in your ear. You have to remember, that in this reality, you have no power. Now, imagine telling the world, just to have them say the person who did that to you has a bright future. How much does that matter to you? What about your future? Now go walk a mile in high heels, and do that, every time you start to think the man’s future is more important than ensuring justice for the woman. Imagine every woman who comes forward, is the woman you care most about in this world. If that woman is your mom, imagine it was your mom, when she was young. If it is your sister, your wife, or a really close friend, imagine them being handed these excuses. You don’t have to be the father of a daughter. You just have to care about at least 1 woman. Imagine it happened to them, and then consider how much you care about the man’s future.

The real remedy, is for men to condemn other men who perpetuate locker room talk, especially when it includes talk of “she wanted it”, “she was so drunk, she didn’t even know”, and “I just grabbed her by the pussy”. This is a problem, that women have been grappling with, since the dawn of time.  I say grappling, because it is as difficult as rock climbing a treacherous cliff. One slip and we will get seriously hurt. We shouldn’t have to carry pepper spray, adjust our clothing, cover our drinks so they don’t get spiked, walk in groups, pretend we are on the phone with a boyfriend or a man who will protect us, but we do. This is a problem that women have always had, and it won’t stop being our problem, until men make it their own problem to fix.  Women need men to be the men we need them to be. Ones who have our backs, as much as they do their “bros”.

He’s Got My Back, Man

I don’t know Dr. Ford or her family, but from what I’ve read, she spoke about this attack, in therapy with her husband. I’d wager her husband falls in this category.  I have seen many men on social media saying that they have her back. I see a lot of men standing up and saying we should believe her. I see a lot saying that we need an FBI background check done immediately, that Mark Judge should be subpoenaed to testify, and that if the claims have merit, the nomination should be withdrawn. I’ve seen quite a few of these men, recently. I would like to see a whole lot more.  If you aren’t this kind of man, then you are, by default, one of the types described above.

In today’s society, men hold power. If you don’t believe me, check the organizational chart at the company you work for. Just look at the executive board. I doubt 1/2 the companies out there have even 50% of their board led by women. Then look at a map of Congress; House and Senate. Check how many men represent us, and how many women. This country is 51% women, but our government is mostly run by old white men, many of whom came from rich, entitled prep-boy upbringings, where what happens in their rich, secret clubs, stay there. 

In order for society to do right by the women, who keep coming forward in this age of #MeToo, we need the men to stand shoulder to shoulder with us. Either you have our back, or you are just another man, with your foot on our neck.

Instead of Them, Let’s Support Us

Many are reeling from the ever-emerging news that the Trump administration has been turning away people at the border, who are seeking asylum. They force them to cross illegally, so they can detain them instead. This is egregious enough, but that’s not enough for the white supremacists in the White House. They are ripping kids away from their parents arms, and separating them. The parents get detained, and charged. The kids are being sent to detainment camps and agencies all over the country, with no paperwork, to reunite them with their parents, ever. 
 
Some people think it’s not their problem. Some people are wrong.  There are about 65 million displaced people in this world (https://news.sky.com/story/we-must-help-refugees-because-simply-it-could-be-you-11410452). Human beings. More often than not, they are taken in by developing countries, while more developed countries, like the US, shrug their shoulders and prioritize that we have to protect our borders. People need to fill out the proper paper work, is the problem. If only these people fleeing devastation, would ask nicely, get in a line and wait their turn, then we would welcome them in. I highly doubt that is true, but my priority is on all these kids, that the government has effectively kidnapped.
 
The rest of us want to help those who need help the most.  Many of us want to help these people who have had their kids ripped away from them, by our government. Many of us want our government to be held responsible for the human rights abuses they are committing in plain daylight.
 
So it’s us vs them, right? 
Who is the us, though? 
Who is the them? 
Left vs right? 
American vs immigrant? 
 
I say we chuck all the dividing lines and look at this differently. Us, are people. The human race. A global community. If we are all one people, then maybe we can support each other, without regard to whether that person lives next door to us, in the next country, or across the world. It shouldn’t matter. If your house was on fire, and you ran over to someone else’s house to ask for help, what would you hope they would do? Let you in? Or tell you to just go back to your house, fill out some paper work, and prove that I should let you come into my house? Should I take your kid and have you arrested, for trespassing on my property? I mean you did step on my property, which is trespassing. Is that what is important here, or is your house being on fire, maybe the more important issue we need to prioritize?
 
I don’t care if an immigrant comes here legally or illegally, I will not call them illegal. They are human beings. They are souls, and they are people who bleed, just like me. I will stand up for them, as soon as I will stand up for my friends and family. I don’t understand people who won’t. I admire those who do.
 
An old friend asked me some ideas for how to help, so I put this together. I thought I would share it, for anyone else looking for ways to help.  I by no means have all the best ways to help, but this is what I’ve got.
 
Donate

One way to help is donating to legal efforts to represent the parents and fight for them to be reunited with their kids

RAICES:
https://www.facebook.com/donate/490507544717085/

Act Blue has a fundraiser that is being spit across orgs including ACLU:
https://secure.actblue.com/donate/families-border
I got that one from Hillary Clinton on Twitter

Michael Avenatti (Stormi Daniels attorney) has pledged (and already started) to represent 50 moms, pro bono. While he’s covering the legal cost, there are other expenses like bond for the moms and such. There is a crowd-funding effort for that:
https://www.crowdjustice.com/case/stop-separating-families/

 
Contact Your Reps in Congress

Contact reps and keep contacting them:
Use @resistbot – you start a message to resistbot in fab messenger. It will get your info to look up your reps, and then it’s easy to type “resist” then “Congress” then type your message. Hit enter, then “done” and then “send” and they send you message right to your reps.

@Countable is another great app for messaging your reps on any legislation being voted on.

Calling reps is really important too, especially if your rep is a Republican. We have to demand they vote with Dems on this. They should sign on to Senator Feinstein’s bill called Keep Families Together.

We should be calling for an investigation and hearings. There is no oversight, so abuses aren’t being reported at all.

Protest
 
Sign up for a protest event for June 30th. This will hopefully be a massive nation-wide protest in solidarity with our fellow global citizens, who are being horrifically mistreated by this government:
 

I saw people have been protesting one ICE office so much they had to close:
https://www.npr.org/2018/06/21/622243400/ice-temporarily-closes-portland-office-amid-tumult-of-protests-across-u-s

Not sure that is realistic, nation-wide, but hey I’d love to see them unable to do their job.

As crappy as it is, we need to get people registered and convinced that their vote is everything. It’s crappy, because we can’t wait that long. These kids can’t wait that long. That’s not soon enough to help all those people, but there are some horrific realities:

  1. Some parents have already been deported and kids placed in private adoption agencies. It will be near impossible to get them reunited 
  2. Some kids have been “misplaced” and turned over to human traffickers. 
  3. At least one father killed himself, after his kid was take from him
  4. Congress is controlled by the GOP, who will not hold the Trump administration accountable
  5. Russia is going to attempt to hack our election. We need a blue wave so that the margins are so wide, Democrats overwhelmingly take over Congress.

Those realities are why we need an independent investigation, public hearings, and independent oversight of family reunification. We need an independent and accountable source, so that they will actively advocate for the parents and kids, not be shills for Trump’s fascist administration.  None of that is going to happen, while Republicans are in control of Congress.  They won’t stand up to Trump. They just enable him with their complicit silence.

 
This isn’t a legal issue, or a political one. It’s a moral imperative.  The crux is that we need political power, to ensure the moral imperative is achieved. We can no longer allow voter apathy to be accepted. We have no excuses. We should have near 100% registration and voter turn out. If we want our government to be a transparent and accountable body of citizens representing citizens, we must hold them accountable. We must be informed and we must vote in every election.  We must do the hard work of convincing our friends and family to do the same. 
 
We have to condemn the eye rolls at politics and campaigns. Being patriotic isn’t about waving a flag, as much as it’s about participating in the democracy that is the lifeblood of our country. Politics and campaigns are dirty and nasty, but the more citizens pay attention to the real issues, and not the character assassinations, we can push it to be cleaned up. We can reward honesty and transparency. We can expect our elected officials and candidates to answer hard questions and call them out when they duck those questions.
 
If we sit back and expect it to be done for us, it will, but it will look like the Handmaid’s Tale. If you haven’t seen it, it’s terrifying.