If you search askew in google, the whole page tilts. That might be me today. It sucks not sleeping at all. Well 1/2 sleeping 1/2 awake. I think I’d rather get 1/2 a night of full sleep. My sleep study doctor wants me to get out of bed and do something, if I don’t fall asleep in 15 min. I never fall asleep that fast. But it’s so hard to get myself to get up and out of bed once I’m there. I have been conditioned that once you’re resting, any rest is good rest. Last night was one of those nights where I laid 1/2 awake the entire night. It’s so hard to get out of bed and go to the gym at 5:00 am after a night like that. I’ve just learned that no amount of staying in bed and trying to sleep will make up for it.

The result is that I was a little late for spin and my stats are a mess. I forgot to stop the spin workout until I got to the locker room, and I forgot to start the abs workout for at least 5 min. Oh well, I actually gave myself credit for showing up today. Here’s to a non-askew Monday.

Stats (albeit loose ones):
spinning 1 hr 2 min 594 cal
Abs and stretching 17 min 78 cal
Total 1 hr 19 min 672 cal


I was all set to write a post with a gain and then I have a loss. After this week, I didn’t didn’t know what to expect. Made it to the gym 3 times, and made great choices when I was in NYC. Now Saturday, at the shower, I enjoyed spiked pink lemonade with sherbet. Yum. Cake and even a brownie. A small one 🙂

I find that I am mostly good all week, but there is always a day or two that test me. We know that there are no excuses. Nothing is out of our control. It just comes down to how much discipline I have. Those one or two days can affect my progress for the whole week. Whether I power through, am constantly “good” or I give in to what I “want” in the moment, my will to keep working toward my long term goal remains.

August is a month full of camping. I will be doing my best to make sure I get workouts in, and choose the best options for my health, and limit my indulgences. It’s not easy!

Who Plays Pink Floyd in Spinning?

The Saturday instructor at Perinton! Love it. Such a great class. Now I have to get ready to throw a bridal shower. My car is packed with refreshments, gifts, favors, decorations. I am so excited to pull this thing off, after all the planning and prep we have done.

Spin 53 min 551 cal
Step master 15 min 176 cal
Total 1 hr 8 min 727 cal

Hope it’s a sunny beautiful day!

I Love Mondays

Facebook is always littered with people saying they hate Mondays, Mondays suck, etc. Well, I was that kid who loved the first day of school, birthdays, Christmas, last day of school. I would jump out of bed and be so excited. It’s hard to sleep the night before, because I’m so psyched!

Ok, so Monday mornings and going back to work does not exactly evoke the same thrill, but I look at every week as another opportunity for fantastic events to unfold. Planned and unplanned. Doesn’t always happen, but I find a lot has to do with how Monday starts off. It’s not a – things went bad, you stubbed your toe, so the week is ruined. But starting off the week on a good note can help set a great tone, for me.

This morning has started off with a nice bang. Got to the gym for my workout. The spin instructor was a sub, and I wanted to leave for like the first 20 minutes. Don’t tell me to just have fun. I showed up at 6:00 am. Kick my butt! No, I’m not riding up a mountain, on a boardwalk, or through sand. I’m not chasing someone. I’m on a spin bike. Don’t tell me to take the level up a tad. Give me a number. That’s my rant, and now I’m done. The thing I love about spin is that it really is your class. I just pushed myself harder than I felt the instructor was going and got a great workout. Not to mention a sticker for the summer sizzle board. Gotta love meaningless motivation. Stickers rule.

So, that’s what I got. Monday’s are great, especially when you jump out of bed excited for what the day will bring.

Spin 1 hr 4 min 581 cal
Abs & stretching 24 min 125 cal
Treadmill 16 min 184 cal
Total 1 hr 40 min 890 cal

I haven’t been doing more cardio after my main workout lately, but I really felt like running, on the treadmill, after abs. It was pretty great. You can’t hear a song like Uprising, by Muse, and not want to run.

What Makes You Go?

I finally stopped snoozing, and slowly got up. Spinning and yoga, back to back. But I was so tired. I could sleep. No one would know/care/etc. There are so many ways I can talk myself out of going. So easy to go back to sleep. As I reasoned why I should go, the motivations that should make me want to go, don’t seem to work.

I have a goal, and this will get me closer. I have mini goals, and this is the only way I will reach them. That just doesn’t get me out of bed. Those are all temporary, after all. That means that once I hit any said goal, I can stop. But I can’t, and I don’t want to. I don’t want my motivation to be propelled by a fading target. It has to be everlasting. Permanent. So there it is. The reason to move, to get up and go, is because this is part of me. Part of my day. My entire day will be lifted, because I lifted myself out of bed and pushed myself to move my body. It’s a high that lasts the rest of the day.

My go for today:
Spin 54 min 533 cal
Yoga 59 min 285 cal
Total 1 hr 53 min 818 cal

I’ve only been to these two back to back classes twice now, and I am really liking them. The spin class feels like an advanced class, and I sweat so much. Going right to yoga, it’s an hour of awesome stretching, which I totally need for my joints and muscles. The yoga instructor explains everything. So much so, that I know enjoy downward dog. It used to hurt my wrists, but she explains and demonstrates how to lift up and drop the head between the shoulders. It’s so weird how it works, but it does. I see myself being able to do better poses within just one class.

Fighting that temptation to stay in bed and not go, reaps such a great reward. Sometimes I have that fear. Will I keep this up? What if I stop or fall off track? This worries me less and less, because I keep proving to myself that falling one day has no effect on my ability to get up and move today.

Tomorrow Is Not Good Enough, Yet It Comes

Sunday and Monday I got hit with, what I realized by Tuesday was, a lupus flare up. It basically consisted of nausea, dizziness when I stood, and walking more than 20 feet left me winded, as if I had run a marathon.

Friends, family, people online were all saying the same thing. Rest. You can make the marinara sauce tomorrow. You can do your plans tomorrow. What I heard was, you can live tomorrow. I don’t want to rest. I want to do the things I planned.

Once I realized it was a lupus flare, I was actually able to deal with it better and able to see the forrest through the trees. It was not knowing what was causing it, that was so damn frustrating. Just non-descript it-could-be-nothing-but-you-know-it’s-something-and-you-can’t-do-anything-but-sit-and-wait-while-the-day-passes-you-by.

Well, I eventually got to make my uber healthy marinara on Wednesday. I got the idea from pinterest, which was from this site:

Here are all my veggies:

 The appeal of this recipe, is that you just throw everything in a casserole and bake/roast it

All nice and roasted
 Once done, you put it in a blender and voila, marinara.
Probably could use more tomatoes and less other veggies. 
Great on tilapia, excellent with mozzarella grilled cheese. 

Also got myself back to the gym today. It’s hard to not have the whole week’s routine, but the bottom line is that not going at all will be no progress. Going at all is progress. I saw a pinterest pin that said something like that. I liked it. It’s an easy excuse to say that Monday and Tuesday got screwed, so I’ll just get back to working out next week.  That mentality is so easy to let take over, and so detrimental to making progress.  1/2 a week of exercise is stellar compared to no working out.  One day of going for a walk is fantastic, compared to not walking at all.  That’s the bottom line.  Waiting til tomorrow may not be what I would choose, but eventually it will come and I will do something.  I will do what I can.

So here is my something for today:
Spinning 1 hr 1 min 544 cal
Abs and stretching 24 min 101 cal
Total 1 hr 25 min 645 cal

I can’t be too optimistic about a loss on the scale this week, but I finally looked back at my weight loss progress this year. I feel like I haven’t made much progress, towards my goal, this year. Lately, I have been yo-yo’ing a lot.  Turns out that since January I’ve lost about 26 lbs. That’s actually the pace I have been trying to keep. Here’s to another 24 by end of year, to get to 100 lbs down. That much closer to goal. Today, tomorrow, the next day. It will happen.

Successive Approximation To Your Goal

My sleep study doctor said this, and I just love it. What a great concept. It means working toward the goal. The act of the working. The progress, the learned knowledge, the work.

Total body 1 hr 1 min 394 cal
Stepper 21 min 216 cal
Total 1 hr 21 min 610 cal

People keep complaining that the 4th is on a Wednesday. I tend to not complain when I’m given a day off. It’s a day off! It’s also a day meant to celebrate our country’s freedom. It’s not a perfect pretty picture tied up in a bow. It’s a history full of wars, lost soldiers, Native Americans, economic depressions, political fighting and at the end of the day the right to vote.

I heard a radio dj say today that she loves the holiday being on a Wednesday. It means two Fridays. If nothing else, that’s a reason to smile.


I know, I know.  I am one annoying yo-yo right now.  Just can’t seem to break through to 75.  My doctor gave me the clear to work out if I felt like it, and what did I do?  I didn’t work out all week.  I didn’t feel like it.  I was crabby and tired, and it was all because I wasn’t exercising.  That became more and more clear as the week went on.  Still, I just didn’t have the push to go workout.  I was frustrated over the tests and the doctor’s appointments and the pending procedures.  I’m still frustrated.

I had an ultrasound on Wednesday, which was going to tell us if I needed an in office biopsy or an in hospital one.  We had scheduled the in office one for the 13th.  Then I got a voice mail on Friday reminding me about my appointment on Monday the 2nd.  I had never known of this appointment, so I had to call them back and ask what was up.  I hadn’t gotten back any results on the ultrasound.  Well, after explaining the situation to the receptionist, she said the nurse would call me back.  Of course, when she call back, she didn’t have even a slice of the story, so I had to explain it all again.  She looked at my information and said she wanted to get a hold of my doctor to make sure what the “plan” was.  I would love to know the plan!  I still haven’t heard back, so I don’t know if I have to leave in the middle of work tomorrow, or if I wait til the 13th.

I’m not worried about the unknown.  It is what it is.  In all likeliness, it is something minor.  What is frustrating is all the tests, exams, interruptions in my day to find out so little.  To not be told what is happening.  You have to be an aggressive advocate for yourself when going to doctor’s offices.  It is exhausting.  Make sure you ask all the questions, get all in the information, don’t let yourself get cut off, or your concerns shunned. 

So, enough time spend obsessing over that stuff.  I painted two parts of my porch railing yesterday.  My plan is to paint the center today.  I also hope to get my house in order, so that I can go to the gym tomorrow morning.  It’s time to get back on the horse.  I got some great cucumbers and tomatoes at the market yesterday.  I’m going to make a little cucumber tomato salad and put it in wraps for the week, with some left over chicken and deli meats.  Gotta pick up some tzatziki sauce at the store.  Yum!  Also grabbed some champagne mangoes, strawberries, and peaches.  Peanut butter chobani dip will also be made for the strawberries. 

No excuses.  I am the only one keeping me from hitting 75 and moving forward.  The rest is just background noise.


Now that’s a f&:/@ing silver lining! So not what I expected this week, but I’ll take it. 1 lbs more to 75.

Had an awesome weekend camping. Way too much fun for a 3 lbs loss, not that I’m one to question it. I think I’ve come to the point, as I called my body a cesspool all weekend (hahaha), that I should just stop questioning it. I’m living my life in as healthy a way as I can, and my body will do what it’s going to do.

Now, what’s a good picture for this post…

Yesterday I Found Out I Could Run

After my doctor’s visit, I could only be happy. She said I could exercise if I felt up to it. Yay!! Release the kraken! On my way home I spotted a new coffee house in my neighborhood. How exciting is that? Totally knew I would have to stop on my way home from a run in the near future.

I spent yesterday packing and prepping for camping this weekend, and made plans to mow my lawn and go for a run today. Imagine my sadness to see that it was raining this morning. I stood in my driveway thinking that now I couldn’t do my plans. Then I remembered that runners run in the rain all the time. Sure, my lawn is embarrassing, and I definitely can’t mow it right now. But I can run!

41 min 472 cal

I have too many forces in my path right now, that I had to not let the rain stop me from going for this run. I didn’t go far, only a couple of miles, but it felt good. And I stopped at that new cafe on the way home.

It is called the Greenhouse Cafe, and it looks like a green house and there is one in the back. They are part of Coffee Connection. They sell organic fair trade beans, which they roast themselves, and they are a non-profit organization working to help women recovering from addiction. So awesome.

It was really tough to get myself out for that run, but I just kept moving forward til I was out the door and running. Then it just felt good. I had to turn off the voices that say, you’re tired, you don’t know what’s going on with your health, no one would judge you if you didn’t go exercise. But that’s not really the point. I don’t run, exercise or lose weight for anyone else. Their judgment or acceptance or approval. I do it for the betterment of my life.

Sure, we have lots of tests to run, and meds to take, and we don’t yet know what’s going on. But I can’t control any of that. And focusing on what I don’t know will just be a waste of time. I would rather focus on what I do know. And right now, it’s that I loved that run, and I can’t wait to pack up and go camping. Also, I love my new bed!

Below are some pics of the new cafe.  Imagine how happy I am to have this in my neighborhood!

Looks like a neat greenhouse in the first half.
Step up into the cafe area.
I love these stools!